As a woman approaching middle age, I have sat through hundreds of football games. In my younger days, I followed whichever team was closest to where I was living. But I’ve never really been a die-hard fan. This year I must confess, I didn’t even know who was playing in Super Bowl XVI until I looked it up on Yahoo. So why do I even bother watching the game?

I watch the Super Bowl for the ads. I like football, but the ads are the icing on the cake. Every year, major corporations shell out big bucks for a 30 second spot. The very first Super Bowl ads cost more than $40,000.00 for a 30 second spot. This year the ticket was somewhere near $2.5 million for the chance to make a lasting impression with American consumers.

Anheuser Busch ads have always been my favorites. The Budweiser frogs cracked me up and became perennial favorites. Who can forget the solemn ad that featured the Anheuser Busch Clydesdales kneeling and bowing before the image of the World Trade Center towers after September 11. I still get chills when I think about it.

So what happened this year? I don’t remember ever being so dissappointed. My time would have been spent scrubbing the kitchen floor or folding laundry. Anheuser Busch barely got a chuckle from me with the rock, paper, scissors ad. It was cute but no where near up to par with their usually witty commercials. I think I’ll stick with Miller Genuine Draft, just in case I don’t have a rock handy. Hate to break it to ya, but Bud Light ain’t „Always Worth It“, especially not $2.5 million.

Moving on; who the hell is K fed, and what does he have to do with insurance?! Nothing! That was, by far, the stupidest ad of the night. Of course, I know he’s Brittany Spears‘ ex husband. I don’t care. He has absolutely nothing to do with my choice of insurance companies. Well, except that I would definitely avoid that company, if I could remember who it was. See, I can’t even remember who it was.

Snickers totally grossed me out with the auto mechanics slobbering all over a single candy bar. I don’t think I can ever eat another Snicker’s bar. Eww, I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Not even the worst PMS cravings will be able to chase that nasty image out of my head!

Super Bowl Ads: Super Letdown
Super Bowl Ads: Super Letdown

Pizza Hut! No more Jessica Simpson! Please, I beg of you! I cannot stand anymore blond booby ads. Seriously, do you really think the overworked, exhausted moms who order pizza in the middle of the week are gonna be enticed to order from the blond booby monster? Please, give me a break!

GoDaddy.com and Careerbuilder.com made feeble attempts to get our attention. GoDaddy, just go away. More cheap booby ads are boring. Careerbuilder did make a good attempt at creativity. It was a little reminiscent of Capital One’s ads from previous years. Battles from office politics is a believable concept; good, just not Super Bowl good.

What was the deal with all the amateur commercial contests. Aw man, what a waste of good advertising dollars! Chevrolet, listen to me,“No, no, no, never again, don’t do it! That’s all that needs to be said! Never again!“ If I want to see lame videos created by college students I will go to MySpace or YouTube or whatever.

There was only one commercial that really got my attention and made me repeat the tag line over and over, Blockbuster Total Access. My pick for winning Super Bowl commercial starred Ray the guinea pig and Carl the rabbit, in their pet store cage. The pair try to figure out how clicking and dragging a mouse can get them on-line for Blockbuster’s Total Access. The poor little mouse squeaks and squeals as they step on him and drag him through the wood shavings. “ I don’t know Ray, are you sure clicking this thing will get us on-line? “ “ No..try dragging it. Hmm, faster! “ These little cgi characters always crack me up. The poor little mouse screams “ Don’t even think about it! “ when Ray holds him up by the tail and exclaims, “ Here’s the problem, we forgot to plug it in! “ Silly, yes, but I laughed and more importantly, I remembered it.

Thank you Blockbuster Total Access, you saved the Super Bowl! Ray and Carl should be named MVP. The ad was an absolute winner; and I must say, Blockbuster Total Access blows Netflix out of the water! Touchdown!

By the way, Chicago, you seriously got spanked by the Colts. Except for the 92 yard kick off return, I’m embarrassed for you. See, I watched the game too.